Frosty the Snowman. Innocent childhood fantasy?
12/19/2014
Saint Jude Hospital for the certainly, mentally insane.
7th floor, 2nd door to your own.
To Our Illustrious Governor who has successfully locked up that overly jolly predator, Kris Kringle, also known as Santa Claus. Greetings:
I have never understood why people encourage children to idolize a demon- possessed snowman. Now before you go calling me a bunch of unpleasant names, let’s get one thing clear; ‘I have nothing against nonliving snowmen.’ I always encourage the young in the art of snow-sculpting. But when it comes to demons and snow- that is where I have to put my foot down.
This is just the case when it comes to Frosty (who was named, no doubt, by some poor, demented fool high on crystal meth) what/who, with his carrot nose, that was hacked off of a living carrot-who had died a short time later in the isolation ward of St Veggie- Hospice. Now that we have started on its bodily features, I feel that it’s appropriate to discuss those black buttons that make up its beady eyes (forcefully raped from the earth, no doubt) and that old felt- top hat that sits aloft its head. This aspect is worse of all… since according to the song (which is the only real bit of information one has to go on) there must have been ‘some magic in that old felt hat they found.’
This line, alone, proves my point that Frosty is indeed possessed; for there are no such things as innocent magical hats. That silk-top hat must have had some kind of curse placed upon it by unknown persons, so that it became possessed. On that note… ‘Who are they?’ One naturally assumes that it was children that found the hat- but was it? I suspect that it just might have been some deep, dark cult that dealt in the secret arts of snowman possession. But I suppose one would never truly know, now, would they?
If none of this persuades you, there is, perhaps, one other interesting thing to note. Frosty the snowman smoked a corncob pipe. Now that just goes to show how irresponsible this Frosty is. Our young long to be with him- to be like him. What kind of example is he impressing upon them by smoking in their presence? Do these kids’ parents really want their kids having this kind of role model? I would certainly hope not…
A break in the letter where the Author consults with someone who had just opened his study door.
My little daughter has just informed me that Frosty has a button nose made of coal – not carrot; and that Frosty is innocent and cute (Ha! That’s what they want you to believe). I do truly love my little girl and respect what she says; but she is just that- a little girl. What does she know about adult conversation?
Well, I believe that this about sums up this correspondences. I truly hope that you take this letter seriously; and take the necessary steps to put an end to this menace of society. As usual, I’ll be writing to you next week concerning the poor, unfortunate case of Rudolf’s radioactive accident (poor creature… he should really be put out of his misery). Until then, have a Merry Christmas.
Sincerely,
A very serious, concerned citizen.
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